The Wind Is Out Of My Sails

A couple of my creatively influential facebook friends have been doing poems, so I got in the mood...

The Wind Is Out Of My Sails
I am not nothing
After I write
Or take a hot bath
Or walk the woody paths.

But right now in my life
I am nothing.
My days pass, blend together

I am bored
My mind is listless at times
Facebook, yahoo, tv, movies
Ah, but not a real life

Every so often
I take care of my soul ~
I journal my three pages
I uncover more unhappy crap
I dive within
I take the time
I have good realizations

And yet, I am not moving on
I am still here
Still wishing to begin
The next part of my life
I have sad moments
Sad I am not whole, not healed
I hope I am
Someday

In these moments of this life
I am bored
I know myself.
Slowly, slowly
I dig myself out
I see the unhappy, the unrest within

I am strong
I have vision
I need to remember these good things
Then the good will come,
Will keep coming

My life is not so bad,
Not so sad and listless
The wind is out of the sails ~~
Not for long!

A.Santana/M. Reede

A What-If Exercise

How many people know who the author SARK is? I adore her!! (yes, truth be told, I’m a little sarkette!) Lately, I’ve been napping a lot and reading a bit too…I still owe money to the library so I haven’t gone in about two months… I’ve been good about journaling at least two times a week, and sometimes more. In the spirit of SARK’s braveness and always encouraging us to be ever more creative, I did a couple What-Ifs. Here’s part of that recent journal entry:

I keep thinking what ifs. What if I give up sugar, dairy, flour? How can I even do this? Why do I think these things are who I am? Why is it so hard for me to separate the crap from me – to peel the crap away? Ugh. Makes me sad for myself! If I did peel the crap away, I’d like myself, I’d be able to move back to the ocean. I’d be able to be a published author.

What if I went walking for one hour every day for a week? For a month? What the hell am I so afraid of? I don’t even like all this fat, this “wait” that keeps an extra guest room in the house of my body. It runs the castle. Now ruins. It keeps me from so much more! If I did walk for one hour every day for even a week I would like myself so much more. I would even be proud of myself. And if I did it for a whole month I’d be super happy to get rid of the excess that is just begging to come off!

(I did walk for one hour last night, the day after I wrote that…and it helped me feel so much better about more than just my body!)