Day 1: Something I Hate About Myself

Hmmm. Well, right now I'm overweight. In itself that tells me i'm not taking loving care of myself and my life.

For the purpose of this writing exercise, the thing I hate about myself is that I'm sooooo big on ideas and not at all big on finishing them. Motivation or stick-to-it-ness is my downfall. And it's so dumb, I even discussed it recently with a therapist. We were doing some good work, wondering what core belief I have inside me which makes me tell myself I'm not worth doing all these good things. And then I went and skipped town for a month. Never mind that everyone told me not to go. The tarot cards, people, family. OH well. Packed my kid up to what I reasonably assumed was going to be a good/tolerable/at least workable situation. Even though it blew up in my face (again! :( ), I can already see how much I "got rid of". I'm not on the constant pity pot any more. I'm less in fear about doing my creative work/things I love. More especially I sooo don't care what others think about me. The others that have been in my life or in my head for a long time. Hooray for that month releasing those talons.

One thought/belief I've gained from reading Ken Robert's creative blogs (www.mildlycreative.com) is you need to just do the thing. To do the creative work. Not worry so much or so anxiously about the outcome. Sometimes nothing may come of it other than you needed to write a 500 page book for the sake of knowing you had to rewrite it differently. If you never started, you'd still be in your head about it. I also hold on to wanting to be paid (and paid well) as a writer for all the projects whirring around in my brain and on paper. It would be better for me to just start somewhere. And keep going. To simply do the creative stuff to do it. I know I'll be successful, yet I need to separate the two. And just do the creative stuff.

I am deciding to treat this sort-of trait just like everything else I've been releasing furiously: I will trust it will work itself out and no longer bother me. Sounds great to me!