Starting To Walk The Path

I feel like I'm getting my normally positive and optimistic stride back. I am used to being positive and loving life. Okay. I was used to this way of life before I met my ex-husband and had my spirit displaced for a brief few years. I've long had it back from that experience, but I get out of sorts living here in the winters in Minnesota. And I get used to not feeling the best. I'm wading uphill in a stream living with my mom.

It's funny. Whenever people I meet or know talk about how awesome, loving or understanding their mom is, I audibly tell them they are blessed. And they are. I am not. Or at least I must not have finished learning my lessons from mine YET as we still struggle. I'm not so sure she struggles with attempting to control me and how I choose to raise my daughter. I've been meeting with therapists since after college. I am diligently raising my daughter different than some ways I was raised. I work at having fun with her, and loving her unconditionally for all of who she is. I might hate something she chooses, but I realizes from my own background how important it is for her to be confident in being able to choose, in the choices she makes and me supporting her decisions. I love it when we do what we need to do and then we laugh and have fun! Makes life as a single mom much better!

I've been unemployed since May. We have enough right now, and I am content to not yet add the stress of working and managing the rest of life around that to the mix. I can feel I am getting ready to make some moves. Yes, it's winter. It would be easier to just keep staying in and going out to meet friends and do a few things here and there. I get cold and unhappy in these months here in the tundra. I tell myself I am making the best of it. I do feel like I want to invite more movement in now. That's how I can tell I'm feeling better, less depressed (hooray!) and ready to work again.

I've also been thinking for about six years now of going back to school for nursing. I am going to start with at least one class next semester. It's a good start. I do great with lists. So I've made my list of what I need to do to get into nursing school. It's good to at least start somewhere. And I am trusting I will have enough money or be able to get the assistance I need to start on the path and keep going. Since I've held this in my heart for some time, I know the energy won't die in one week. I need to begin with yes, to start somewhere. I worked for two fabulous neurosurgeons at the University of Miami for two years. That got me interested in more detailed nursing care. I love engaging my mind, and those around me or that I have met are encouraging about this new direction.

I am simply happy to have some happy energy toward something. One of my dreams is to live somewhere fun and warm again, to live on my own with my daughter and be able to happily manage. It feels good to start walking that path.