Forgedduhboudit!

I don't know how to spell that and I'm not from Jersey ~ I like it all the same. It's so far away from who I am or who I grew up as. :) I love reading it in books, like Janet Evanovich's books perhaps?

I was washing dishes. Sigh. Let me say that I have to wash the dishes to clear out the sink to put the pinesol/degreaser/water mix in a bucket and then mop the floors. This meditate handwashing of dishes got me to thinking about this weekend. It's "Easter" weekendfor those of you who celebrate it. I no longer do. I believe in something higher and I am spiritual (not religious). You know how some proudly say they are bornagains from whatever date? I became a recovered lutheran when I was 24 :) That's my story and I'm stickin' to it! (got that phrase from my fabulous Belize catamaran trip in 1999 from when the eight of us would sit around after dinner and we would all answer the same question and that was what we tacked onto the end of it! That and 'NO REGRETS!' from Bob and Herb give my heart good memories!) :)

Let me preface what I'm going to say (and hey, this is my blog so there! :)) by saying you are truly blessed if you have a wonderful mom and a great or even a good or decent relationship with her. I do not. I do have a wonderful mom. I'm appreciative of all she does for me, yet I learn so much more about what N O T to do! I'm going to be moving soon. Into our own townhouse. And starting a new job which I have a feeling will turn into another fabulous segment of my life! Seeing as how I don't "celebrate" churchy Easter (okay maybe I celebrate Eater - had a typo and thought of that!) and we have my brother and his finicky wife here for the weekend, I realized how wonderful it will be to say N O again to these family things!

That got me to thinking what else don't I like not necessarily about 'what my mom does to me' but what will I no longer have to do when my mom is no longer on this earth? Let me confess because of the animosity my mom must have for me, I have a fantasy that when she passes over is when I can start doing B I G healing from her. This allowed me to think I had to convince you I'm not planning a coup or some other tragedy. It also allowed me to think along the lines of one of my current goals with my current therapist ~ to quit blaming my parents for not learning fucking fabulous things from them or to be successful. (Yes, I'm giggling too!) They did so many wonderful things for us growing up, but I do have countless challenges, or I supposed I could say 'perspectives' to change and keep living my own life.

In connecting with another fabulous soul lately, Julie-Anne, I truly am leaping more into living and thriving rather than the wallowing you heard on this blog last year. It W I L L be wonderful and a blessing to live on my own again (obviously with my little flower and pug and lovebird). It will be a next step for again allowing myself to get back to who I am meant to be.

If I had my way, this is what I would hurry up and heal from or get over that's crappy remnants from my mom:
~ Start doing what I want to do instead of collapsing on the heap of other people's expectations. (That means this Easter weekend and feeling pressure to clean everything up when I just want to keep living my own life.)
~ Be the kind of mom who has more succulent, laughing moments and memories with my daughter rather than the shameful things that are programmed into me like keeping the house clean or doing the dishes instead of laughing with Bella.
~ Just truly L E T G O of what other people might think about me. Whose life is this anyways???!!!
~ I haven't done this in a while, but release forever the need to attract anyone into my life who has less than me where I feel I must fix them or take care of them and most especially release the need to buy someone things so they will like me. Partly this may be unconscious. Partly I get bored with myself, my own life, or just don't want to do the work on myself so it becomes an excuse. No thanks and no more.
~ The need to be any more than I am right now. Even if I weigh more than I want to, even if I make less money than I am worth, even if I am not this or not that. Even if I am not what I hear my mom trying to pound into my ears and head on what to be speaking from her hurt spirit. Right now I am a fabulous spirit! I am alive and I am loving my journey again!
~ All shame or expectations for me from my parents, my brothers, and mostly society or wierd relatives! I love that this is my journey. I love that when I allow it, I have the absolutely perfect souls connecting to me for joy and for the next lesson. I love all the joy I partake in when I listen to who I truly am. All the rest is what makes us have illness and unhappiness if we listen to it.

Wishing you the perfect life for fabulous you right now!

42 Things In 42 Years!

There are soooo many super-awesome people who write awesome things that I follow :) They're about travelling, building your own business and being able to live on the beach in the Pacific, releasing, the funniness of life. Some of these are young whippersnappers! I love that, too. I get inspired by their 27 in 27 years posts...so I'm challenging myself here to make my own but to keep it short :) So I actually finish! Ha! :)

42 Things I Have Learned In 42 Years To Make Life More Succulent,
To Move Through The Suckiness Faster,
To Get To The Part Where You Drink In The Good Things Again

1. Breathe it in when it's good. Treasure those good moments, good days, good months, good years!
2. Trust that life will get good again. It will.
3. In quiet moments list in your head what you are grateful for. I do this when I'm falling asleep.
4. Be outrageous! Live wildly when you can!!
5. When someone asks you why as in "Why did you travel to 20 countries?" sassily retort: "Why not!" :)
6. When you are stuck, move 27 things. I think the fabulous Denise Linn says if you move 27 things around it shifts the energy.
7. Declutter! Why? Why not!
8. Read inspirational, positive people/websites/books/blogs.
9. Start by loving yourself. Keep loving yourself.
10. Expect nothing. (Not from yourself of course!) This is a good trick or technique to get through days you're not especially fond of, like holidays or birthdays. This way you're overjoyed at the nice things that happen.
11. Be grateful for even the smallest things. Even when life is going great for you. Especially when life is not going so great!
12. If you are feeling crabby or unloved, do ONE (small or big) thing for yourself to nurture yourself and your spirit.
13. Are you an artist? Even if you aren't, create art as often as you can. Who cares if you think you can't whatever. Just do it.
14. Look at your art. Treasure it in your heart.
15. Look at other art.
16. Be open to allowing new things in. Listen to get a sign for the next book to read. Take a moment to talk and laugh with the person waiting in line with you to check out. Lovely moments are always happening!
17. Cultivate a life you love.
18. Have courage to release the negative and the toxic. Yes, even if it's your family. At the end of the day, you are obligated to nothing (no-thing) :)
19. Allow yourself to flourish. I have loved sinking into more of who I am as I've gotten older.
20. Jump into it! Take that daring leap and go live in that foreign country.
21. It is true that your only regrets are what you haven't done - it can stay in your mind.
22. Forgive yourself easily. For everything. For your interactions with others that didn't go so well. For not leaving sooner. For not jumping in soon enough.
23. Allow.
24. Make treasure maps. Some call them vision boards. I have collected pictures and phrases over the years and kept them. Now I get notebooks that were lying around and tape everything in.
25. Surround yourself with images and phrases of what you want to bring in.
26. Say yes when it comes in! Even if you're scared! Even if you forgot how it is to live succulently!
27. Get some great shoes!
28. Walk great places in your great shoes.
29. Listen to what people around you are telling you with their words, their stories and their actions.
30. Forgive yourself for anything you see as a mistake. My thing has been forgiving my parents for not teaching me more, and my mom for not loving me unconditionally.
31. Access your beautiful interior. Do this by reading beautiful words and travelling to countries where you do not know the language so you must spend time by yourself.
32. Believe the Universe/Spirit/God/Goddess has FABULOUS things in store for you!
33. Yes, you are worth it!
34. Surround yourself with crazy, succulent, fun friends!
35. Trust that whatever journey you are on, you are meant to be on. Yes, I'm a single mom. Yes, I was with someone not so great. I feel sooo blessed to have my daughter, especially now that I'm not sure if I'll have any more beautiful children naturally :)
36. Walk away from negative nellies faster. I haven't yet mastered the art of tuning them out while having experiences with them. I bless them and then bless myself for knowing I'm greater than their fears. :)
37. If you have a dream, take one step towards it. Take another. And another. Pretty soon you biked 88 miles in one day :) Or wrote that first book (I've got 16,000 words already in mine!)
38. Expect miracles. And then be grateful for what you allow in :)
39. Treasure things/experiences/most of all people and release when its time.
40. Be grateful your life is better now than it used to be.
41. Trust your life will get fabulous again. I tend to have an "18 months of suckiness period". I know, it sounds funny. I'm grateful to have passed through another one!
42. Learn. Learn about yourself. Set big dreams. Go for whatever is in your big, beautiful heart. Always believe in yourself!