Friday, July 30, 2010

Positives Outweigh Touches of Sadness - Yay!

I am not truly a sad person. I don't do depression well. And it seems like every job I end up at, they call me "Sunshine". Only after they do I tell them it follows me everywhere. In my normal life out in the world (this could lead to another post about who I am at home and who I am out in the world...) I do my best to be optimistic. To be positive, to keep moving forward to live the life I want.

I also move forward when I am who I am at home. Yet I'm much more free at home, in my space. (Even with my daughter!) I relax. I just am. I'm human.

At home in the midst of relaxing and healing and not pushing myself yet pushing myself to move my life forward (being "productive is cyclical), I have sad moments. Not so many lately. I honor who I am inside and what is working it's way outward. Yet I am truly happy to have all this creative encouragement around me! Other humans who are doing their art and sharing it with the world. I love that we all do our art. I love that I am writing more frequently. Yes, it does lift us out of ourselves and into who we might or could truly be.

I still have moments where I cry. It comes less and less. I notice when I allow myself to be sad and sink into it, I feel so alone in this world. I feel shocked about the things that have happened to me. And these days, it passes even more quickly. I am choosing to be more conscious about no longer even needing to stay stuck in the unmoving spot. Hooray for me and my healing. Hemal Radia pointed out that even when something horrific has happened it's best to place your energy clearly on something else in order to distract yourself from focusing on the bad things.

I feel blessed to have all my friends and positive influences surrounding me. I feel blessed to feel the not so great feelings fluttering away that have been dwelling within. I feel even more blessed to be creatively moving forward. Okay, they might be tiny steps right now. I know I have it in me to keep creating. If I live out all the dreams I have inside for my creative adventures I live them. It's good to keep working on them, in any case. It's good to simply create.

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