As my friend Barb says, Create! So here I am.
Life has been so very full lately, but not really at the same time. Many, many familial disappointments, but could I ever expect anything less with the disappointment I grew up with? At the same time, my life has been so hushed here in this place I semi-choose to call home at present, so I welcome the sitcom dramas that come into my life. It makes me wonder where I picked this up? So long ago I was a peaceful, purposeful spiritual being. Now I am so vastly opposite of that being.
Now I am a single mom. My daughter is six. I love her dearly. I'm better when I use my brakes and say no to the evils of the world influencing her. (Evils of the world: some television, her grandparents, born-agains, what else? Judgement, anything that crushes her almighty character...as I know it takes a lllllooooonnnnnggggg time to rebuild yourself.) I love watching icarly and hannah montana with her, yet once upon a time for three whole years i owned no television set. people used to ask me what in the world i did. many great writers have taken to nature to discover their interiors.
So I lost my job in May. Yes, my day job. I thought I loved it. Now that I'm exceedingly happy it was disappeared, it is humorous that through this first again horrendous Minnesota winter I lived through after pretty much not being able to stay living in south Florida, I saw my job as the one thing keeping me here. I came back here to make some good money, pay things off, to help my parents out a little, and mostly, so my daughter could hang out with her grandparents. Not hard, as we live in the same house, different floors. I can only laugh loudly that I ever expect anything different from my nutty mom. I'm appreciative of most that she does, but I am the different one in this family. No, I'm not "successful" or "happily married". Yet I'm truly happy with much of the life I've lived. I'm truly blessed to have my daughter, have forgiveness in my heart (an an open eye) as she, her dad and I reconnect.
It's time to enjoy these full days. And also to work on my own creating again. Thanks to all of you who inspire me and push me! These wondrous things we achieve happen baby step by baby step! I'm ready for more! That's what I love about summer - it's brings such beauty and joy internally and externally in our lives.
I went without tv for over a year when I lived up on the mountain. I loved it, and I miss that unfilled space. Even though there are things on tv that I enjoy viewing, it's such a waste of time. It falsely connects us with the world.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminded me of the old adage: anywhere you go, there you are.
Just be you, my friend, and the rest will fall into place.