Hi there~
I just could hardly help myself! I was feeling very spent and tired from work at work and I really truly wanted to just sit home and eat chocolate! :) So...
How To Sit Home and Eat Chocolate All Day
1. Buy some fabulous-to-you chocolates.
2. Go home.
3. Rip them open.
4. Pop them in your mouth and chew....as long as you want!
5. Go take a nap.
6. Wake up and do it all over again :)
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Thank You
Hi Fabulous Peeps :)
I don't always listen to music~off and on a meditate around in silence. Or think up~thinking more positively to bring in more the life I truly want and am believing I deserve to live :)
I was listening to a few songs I adore a few minutes ago. I had to listen to one of them twice. And I after listening to this (next alphabetical thing on my iTunes!) theta healing I will go back and listen to:
Thank You by Dido
I wholeheartedly adore this song from the bottom of my toes!!!!
Do you have any songs like that?
For me this song reminds me of when my heart was bereft after kicking someone out of my heart in the year 2000...and it makes me think of when I went to Negril, Jamaica with my fabulous friend Sandy in 2001. This song makes me remember being there for a week that year and just loving myself. Jumping off that cliff. Sitting on that bench up in the cliffs watching the sunset every night. Banana pancakes that I still make. Ahhhh. What a heart~soothe....
I am so thankful for this song for reminding me that healing our heart is entirely possible. That there is life on the other side of where we are and getting eventually to where we want to be.
Thank you~ have a wonderful week!
I don't always listen to music~off and on a meditate around in silence. Or think up~thinking more positively to bring in more the life I truly want and am believing I deserve to live :)
I was listening to a few songs I adore a few minutes ago. I had to listen to one of them twice. And I after listening to this (next alphabetical thing on my iTunes!) theta healing I will go back and listen to:
Thank You by Dido
I wholeheartedly adore this song from the bottom of my toes!!!!
Do you have any songs like that?
For me this song reminds me of when my heart was bereft after kicking someone out of my heart in the year 2000...and it makes me think of when I went to Negril, Jamaica with my fabulous friend Sandy in 2001. This song makes me remember being there for a week that year and just loving myself. Jumping off that cliff. Sitting on that bench up in the cliffs watching the sunset every night. Banana pancakes that I still make. Ahhhh. What a heart~soothe....
I am so thankful for this song for reminding me that healing our heart is entirely possible. That there is life on the other side of where we are and getting eventually to where we want to be.
Thank you~ have a wonderful week!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Missed A Year
I feel like I missed a year in my daughters life.
This year she is in fourth grade. She got her favorite teacher. Her fabulous teacher is jam-packed with love and energy and she's all about teaching in a fun way! We are grateful for a much smoother year! We still have the usual grumblings about the same particular kids who do funny things in her class~a boy who lives two houses down from my mom's house who's got it all and is growing into himself nicely, along with her friend who "stole" her looming idea. Ah, such is life! I like to give my daughter an outlet to release that which she doesn't like. I also make sure we also talk about what we want to dreamily bring in.
I am so grateful to be having such a spectacular year of schooling and life for my daughter! What a difference a year and a teacher make. I remember teachers who weren't the best from when I was growing up. Yes, it's good to have perspective. It's good to be who I am now so as to not put up with bad behaviors or wonky things.
I really feel we missed a year by having a teacher not all in. She taught my daughter and a whole school year passed and was passed by...but... It's truly interesting to reflect on teaching styles or even personalities. Makes me wonder why some people are so afraid of life? I am not! Such a far cry from my mom. I appreciate my mom's good intentions, along with the great things she does for us and the fabulous fun moments we share. And I must always remind myself when she criticizes or puts my ideas down if I even am brave enough to share them with her in passing, she is who she chooses to be~some of us are not fully living our lives or love ourselves. And perhaps that's the gift: I am wanting to work on loving myself more fully in an effort to take better care of my body. To this end, it allows me to notice the contrast more! And appreciate the great things!
This year she is in fourth grade. She got her favorite teacher. Her fabulous teacher is jam-packed with love and energy and she's all about teaching in a fun way! We are grateful for a much smoother year! We still have the usual grumblings about the same particular kids who do funny things in her class~a boy who lives two houses down from my mom's house who's got it all and is growing into himself nicely, along with her friend who "stole" her looming idea. Ah, such is life! I like to give my daughter an outlet to release that which she doesn't like. I also make sure we also talk about what we want to dreamily bring in.
I am so grateful to be having such a spectacular year of schooling and life for my daughter! What a difference a year and a teacher make. I remember teachers who weren't the best from when I was growing up. Yes, it's good to have perspective. It's good to be who I am now so as to not put up with bad behaviors or wonky things.
I really feel we missed a year by having a teacher not all in. She taught my daughter and a whole school year passed and was passed by...but... It's truly interesting to reflect on teaching styles or even personalities. Makes me wonder why some people are so afraid of life? I am not! Such a far cry from my mom. I appreciate my mom's good intentions, along with the great things she does for us and the fabulous fun moments we share. And I must always remind myself when she criticizes or puts my ideas down if I even am brave enough to share them with her in passing, she is who she chooses to be~some of us are not fully living our lives or love ourselves. And perhaps that's the gift: I am wanting to work on loving myself more fully in an effort to take better care of my body. To this end, it allows me to notice the contrast more! And appreciate the great things!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Reviewing 2013
How did this past year go for you?
I try not to follow too many blogs, but the cool ones I follow are taking time to review their past year. It's a great exercise to reflect on what went well and what you could have done better. It is great to reflect. I tend to not push myself with goals. I used to love doing that, but now I treasure the momentum I find in my life and stay way behind on shaming myself into getting things done.
One tool I did not utilize enough was fabulous Leonie Dawson's 2013 planner. I printed it out for myself. Her versions are always fabulously colorful. She reminds me a bit of colorful SARK. This year I am coloring mine in! This year I am making more of an effort to work through the whole book and I will strive to review more often. And I'm excited about this!
Here's What Went Pretty Fabulously:
I joined the Business Academy at www.leoniedawson.com. Best. Thing. Ever! Very motivational for getting myself geared up to believing I could run my own business. I don't come from parents who encouraged us to become entrepeneurs and work for ourselves. They like the 'you've got to work hard for a long time' method. (More about my work later.) I have ideas and I am already talented at writing and I've had some success at pulling in money from writing clients. So I have a start. I love that I've shifted my mentality to want to actually work for myself eventually! I love that I've shifted to start thinking about what products or services I could sell to make a viable business. It truly helps that my daughter has automatic entrepeneurial tendencies already. I never want to squash her beliefs about making it happen, although I have no history of success with it. I keep encouraging her~and whatever she tries her hand at creatively she succeeds easily at!
I am still working at my same job! I am grateful for the opportunities it allows me on a day to day basis while reaching for my bigger dreams! My job is a great lesson in trust. I started on April 9, 2012. We have been through many changes at work, in management, in uncool workers leaving, and getting more stresses dumped on us all the time~these things are the supposed norm of work life nowadays. My trusting comes from still being employed in my position through a temporary employment firm. It's a great opportunity for me to trust where I am at, that I will continue to work and bring in money to keep a balanced life alongside improving my life and yet not freaking out as my mom keeps pointing out I "should" do. It's a challenging position where there is always work to do! I am at the point where I would like to be more valued, so we shall see what employment changes come about in the near future!
My daughter Isabella is ten years old! That means I have made it all these years as a single mom! I truly cherish my time with her~what an absolutely fabulous partner to have alongside me in my fun life! I love laying down with her before she goes to sleep at night. I especially love our laughter and giggle~fests!! In my heart, I'm happy being mama to my Bella! Sometimes it's a challenge and of course I am bad mama not making fabulous choices at times...when it comes down to it, I'm blessed to have her. I'm proud she's half-Cuban, gorgeous, creative, fun, entrepreneurial, and just pretty awesome!
I was able to release my fabulous Chevy Blazer with 243,000 miles on it. I even sold it! I learned a little bit about asking for more money. I am so grateful I could somehow shift into having a different car. I have been wanting a VW since my last one, so wa-la! I got a silver VW Jetta...and two months later a deer got us. So days before xmas, I got a silver VW Passat wagon and love it! I love the seat warmers! It's nice how things work their way into more of what we want. I wanted a wagon, so now I have one! I'm fixing a few things on it, which will allow me to love it even more! I also learned and found a better deal with the second VW. (Yes, a better deal that needs a few things fixed...and I'm okay with that). So now I have a car that can move us back to the ocean when we are ready!
Here's What Didn't Rock:
I did not travel. Yes, I went to fabulous Wisconsin Dells thanks to my parent's timeshare. And I'm grateful for it. This year when we went, my dad went with us and stayed in our two bedroom "apartment" and my brother and his fabulous family stayed next to us. The swimming was terrific! It was easier to walk 15 miles to the pool areas. So I am super grateful for this getaway. I feel like I was waiting mentally to sell my car and begin life. And I just never quite came up with money to go anywhere warm or out of the country. That's okay. It was a hope in my heart. And that hope will be worked on more vigorously this year! (I have my heart set on going to Costa Rica sometime in 2014. Bella and I will most likely go for 10 days, yet I'd love to go for the summer! Or even a month! Cabana boy suggested Tamarindo and I'm already in love with that area! Check out gorgeous sunsets and the life there with sambatothesea.com! Were my life to be even more fabulous and awesome, I'd love to also go to Greece, Australia, Bali, Fiji, Spain, Portugal...I'm flexible for that much fabulousness!) I'm hopeful I will go to at least one new country this year (it will be country #22 for me!!!) I am super grateful to follow some awesome travel blogs like wanderingearl.com and marriedwithluggage.com (they are awesome and I am also excited to keep reading their helpful book Dream Save Do to reach my goals of travelling more, paying off my debt and possibly living in a foreign country!).
I am super happy I continue to work and bring money in. However, at my medical scheduling job, I'm still a temporary employee. I am now more actively working on finding a job with benefits. I had a big improvement from my first summer at this job~yet still lacking energy after so much stress working every day. It's a busy job with a lot to do. More than a lot! I need to work on taking better care of myself and also bringing in a job that leaves me with energy for the other parts of my fun life.
In line with having more energy after the work day is over, I am still neglecting to take the best care of myself. I guess I'm starting with improving the mental parts first. I am overwhelmed. So it's a challenge which part of my life to choose to improve/clean up/make serious changes. For the last several years I've been a member of the "I'm doing the best with what I have" and "I'm good at making do" clubs. I do work with what I have. I'm excited to bring some changes in and shift into a thriving mode instead of feeling sorry for myself/my health/my reality and just not having enough or simply surviving. Only I can start taking the actions to make these changes. I love some of the people I follow for inspiration like zenhabits.net on making changes one simple habit at a time or the way bemorewithless.com encourages decluttering and simplicity and less stuff = more you.
I also know there was not necessarily super sucky energy in the universe this past year YET there sure was a lot of suckiness being vacuumed out. Yay! I love that in my now 44 years, I have lived through so many ebbs and flows of life. While you're living life and it's not fabulous, you don't necessarily attribute it to the cosmos and the planets not aligning for great things. So happy 2014 is going to be an awesome year! I've got a lot of goals and am super excited to start or keep working on them and allow more happiness in my life by at the very least reaching for them!
Happy New Year to Fabulous You!
I try not to follow too many blogs, but the cool ones I follow are taking time to review their past year. It's a great exercise to reflect on what went well and what you could have done better. It is great to reflect. I tend to not push myself with goals. I used to love doing that, but now I treasure the momentum I find in my life and stay way behind on shaming myself into getting things done.
One tool I did not utilize enough was fabulous Leonie Dawson's 2013 planner. I printed it out for myself. Her versions are always fabulously colorful. She reminds me a bit of colorful SARK. This year I am coloring mine in! This year I am making more of an effort to work through the whole book and I will strive to review more often. And I'm excited about this!
Here's What Went Pretty Fabulously:
I joined the Business Academy at www.leoniedawson.com. Best. Thing. Ever! Very motivational for getting myself geared up to believing I could run my own business. I don't come from parents who encouraged us to become entrepeneurs and work for ourselves. They like the 'you've got to work hard for a long time' method. (More about my work later.) I have ideas and I am already talented at writing and I've had some success at pulling in money from writing clients. So I have a start. I love that I've shifted my mentality to want to actually work for myself eventually! I love that I've shifted to start thinking about what products or services I could sell to make a viable business. It truly helps that my daughter has automatic entrepeneurial tendencies already. I never want to squash her beliefs about making it happen, although I have no history of success with it. I keep encouraging her~and whatever she tries her hand at creatively she succeeds easily at!
I am still working at my same job! I am grateful for the opportunities it allows me on a day to day basis while reaching for my bigger dreams! My job is a great lesson in trust. I started on April 9, 2012. We have been through many changes at work, in management, in uncool workers leaving, and getting more stresses dumped on us all the time~these things are the supposed norm of work life nowadays. My trusting comes from still being employed in my position through a temporary employment firm. It's a great opportunity for me to trust where I am at, that I will continue to work and bring in money to keep a balanced life alongside improving my life and yet not freaking out as my mom keeps pointing out I "should" do. It's a challenging position where there is always work to do! I am at the point where I would like to be more valued, so we shall see what employment changes come about in the near future!
My daughter Isabella is ten years old! That means I have made it all these years as a single mom! I truly cherish my time with her~what an absolutely fabulous partner to have alongside me in my fun life! I love laying down with her before she goes to sleep at night. I especially love our laughter and giggle~fests!! In my heart, I'm happy being mama to my Bella! Sometimes it's a challenge and of course I am bad mama not making fabulous choices at times...when it comes down to it, I'm blessed to have her. I'm proud she's half-Cuban, gorgeous, creative, fun, entrepreneurial, and just pretty awesome!
I was able to release my fabulous Chevy Blazer with 243,000 miles on it. I even sold it! I learned a little bit about asking for more money. I am so grateful I could somehow shift into having a different car. I have been wanting a VW since my last one, so wa-la! I got a silver VW Jetta...and two months later a deer got us. So days before xmas, I got a silver VW Passat wagon and love it! I love the seat warmers! It's nice how things work their way into more of what we want. I wanted a wagon, so now I have one! I'm fixing a few things on it, which will allow me to love it even more! I also learned and found a better deal with the second VW. (Yes, a better deal that needs a few things fixed...and I'm okay with that). So now I have a car that can move us back to the ocean when we are ready!
Here's What Didn't Rock:
I did not travel. Yes, I went to fabulous Wisconsin Dells thanks to my parent's timeshare. And I'm grateful for it. This year when we went, my dad went with us and stayed in our two bedroom "apartment" and my brother and his fabulous family stayed next to us. The swimming was terrific! It was easier to walk 15 miles to the pool areas. So I am super grateful for this getaway. I feel like I was waiting mentally to sell my car and begin life. And I just never quite came up with money to go anywhere warm or out of the country. That's okay. It was a hope in my heart. And that hope will be worked on more vigorously this year! (I have my heart set on going to Costa Rica sometime in 2014. Bella and I will most likely go for 10 days, yet I'd love to go for the summer! Or even a month! Cabana boy suggested Tamarindo and I'm already in love with that area! Check out gorgeous sunsets and the life there with sambatothesea.com! Were my life to be even more fabulous and awesome, I'd love to also go to Greece, Australia, Bali, Fiji, Spain, Portugal...I'm flexible for that much fabulousness!) I'm hopeful I will go to at least one new country this year (it will be country #22 for me!!!) I am super grateful to follow some awesome travel blogs like wanderingearl.com and marriedwithluggage.com (they are awesome and I am also excited to keep reading their helpful book Dream Save Do to reach my goals of travelling more, paying off my debt and possibly living in a foreign country!).
I am super happy I continue to work and bring money in. However, at my medical scheduling job, I'm still a temporary employee. I am now more actively working on finding a job with benefits. I had a big improvement from my first summer at this job~yet still lacking energy after so much stress working every day. It's a busy job with a lot to do. More than a lot! I need to work on taking better care of myself and also bringing in a job that leaves me with energy for the other parts of my fun life.
In line with having more energy after the work day is over, I am still neglecting to take the best care of myself. I guess I'm starting with improving the mental parts first. I am overwhelmed. So it's a challenge which part of my life to choose to improve/clean up/make serious changes. For the last several years I've been a member of the "I'm doing the best with what I have" and "I'm good at making do" clubs. I do work with what I have. I'm excited to bring some changes in and shift into a thriving mode instead of feeling sorry for myself/my health/my reality and just not having enough or simply surviving. Only I can start taking the actions to make these changes. I love some of the people I follow for inspiration like zenhabits.net on making changes one simple habit at a time or the way bemorewithless.com encourages decluttering and simplicity and less stuff = more you.
I also know there was not necessarily super sucky energy in the universe this past year YET there sure was a lot of suckiness being vacuumed out. Yay! I love that in my now 44 years, I have lived through so many ebbs and flows of life. While you're living life and it's not fabulous, you don't necessarily attribute it to the cosmos and the planets not aligning for great things. So happy 2014 is going to be an awesome year! I've got a lot of goals and am super excited to start or keep working on them and allow more happiness in my life by at the very least reaching for them!
Happy New Year to Fabulous You!
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Why Do I Listen To The Negative Nellies?
Do you have any people surrounding you that are "negative nellies"? People who mean well but they are looking at Y O U R fabulous, succulent life through their glass-half-full lenses? Yeesh!! I do. It's my parents. Fortunately and unfortunately, they are the ones I go to when I'm at the end of my financial rope. Not for other things, but mainly for that. Each time I truly appreciate their help. But I have to put clear stoppers on them. Over and over again.
My dad pretty much sent me a scathing email. Saying I am enroute to a destitute path and that I appear to be waiting for something magical to happen without me doing it to fix everything. Whoa and wow! Reign that negativeness far far far away from me, please! That's my interpretation...and the response I got back was he was trying to encourage me. Whoa!
You know, as someone living in gratitude, I love to appreciate my parents for the fabulousness that they are. But they are not always fabulous. They have also been going through some things lately that are sooooo not at all about me.
Good things I've already learned~
When emotions leak out sideways because someone has chosen to not appropriately process it or express it, it is not about me whatever they might say or do to me.
Sometimes it's time to reign it in so you can keep creating fabulousness in your life. Sure, even loved ones veer off the path and turn into energy suckers. That's the perfect time to be clear and set boundaries. Or reset them. As often as I need to. Yikes. Sometimes people are just so living in fear they forget what I have requested or communicated I will no longer tolerate.
So grateful I learned this stuff when I was earlier! Otherwise I might actually take things personally. No thanks.
We must always always ALWAYS be our own champions. I hate to say we have to fight for anything, but for those parts of our lives that are not going very smoothly, we DO have to fight for what we believe to be true for ourselves until it is old hat. Those are the lessons in life.
Thanks for reading and I hope you have a magical week!
~Marina~
My dad pretty much sent me a scathing email. Saying I am enroute to a destitute path and that I appear to be waiting for something magical to happen without me doing it to fix everything. Whoa and wow! Reign that negativeness far far far away from me, please! That's my interpretation...and the response I got back was he was trying to encourage me. Whoa!
You know, as someone living in gratitude, I love to appreciate my parents for the fabulousness that they are. But they are not always fabulous. They have also been going through some things lately that are sooooo not at all about me.
Good things I've already learned~
When emotions leak out sideways because someone has chosen to not appropriately process it or express it, it is not about me whatever they might say or do to me.
Sometimes it's time to reign it in so you can keep creating fabulousness in your life. Sure, even loved ones veer off the path and turn into energy suckers. That's the perfect time to be clear and set boundaries. Or reset them. As often as I need to. Yikes. Sometimes people are just so living in fear they forget what I have requested or communicated I will no longer tolerate.
So grateful I learned this stuff when I was earlier! Otherwise I might actually take things personally. No thanks.
We must always always ALWAYS be our own champions. I hate to say we have to fight for anything, but for those parts of our lives that are not going very smoothly, we DO have to fight for what we believe to be true for ourselves until it is old hat. Those are the lessons in life.
Thanks for reading and I hope you have a magical week!
~Marina~
Friday, October 25, 2013
Applauding the Dream~Livers
Hola Fabulous Peeps!
Every week is pretty amazing, isn't it? It wasn't all week that death was swirling around me, but I felt it. We had some great patients pass away too recently. And we had other patients that are forging forward with fabulous things!
I think it's super succulent when anyone marches forward fiercely toward their dreams! I think it's especially super wonderful when patients who might be somewhat near the end of their lives, say, buy an RV and plan to drive off into the warm sunset!
It's funny, I may work in a cancer clinic. However, for me it's a great way to earn my keep these days. AND expand myself in the midst of chaos and change in the workplace, challenging economic times the kinda devalue us as employees instead of how we could be boosted up, and more super lessons. I totally appreciate my job and I mostly love it every day. It's incredibly rewarding for different reasons.
I see patients of all kinds. We are taught to show kindness and professionalism. This is easy to do, for I am this way naturally when I am in my work environment. (And I've had soooo many different fun environments!) Most that succumb are left with only a little life to live. Bless them all, and I am grateful they touched my lives.
Even when my doctors advocate one thing, I inwardly love it when patients rebel and decide to forgo continuing with treatment to drive their RV somewhere warm for the winter. I sooooo applaud this. They deserve to live much more than they are meekly able to. I'm jumping for joy on the inside when people tell me about their fabulous plans spending 10 days in gorgeous, friendly Belize. I spent 2 weeks there in 1999, 8 days of that on a 43 foot catamaran with fabulous people! It's still a dream trip in my heart!
I want to honor one of my friends on that incredible trip to Belize. His motto was "no regrets". It fits in with living your dreams until the end! He may have met his end already, so what an incredible life he was able to live! Jungle hats off to you fabulous Bob, wherever you are!
So many of us aren't stricken with a disease that gives us a timeline. I'm super grateful to be alive these days where we can run furiously toward one or fifty dreams OR we can keep marching toward them with our drumbeat continuously beating toward our dreams! We are so blessed with people to connect with who share our dreams, and endless sources of fabulousness and inspiration!
I'm grateful for two direct sources of this for me, Hemal Radia and Leonie Dawson. Super grateful hugs to both of you! Leonie makes me realize how fabulous it is to be alive today where we can create fun words! Hemal is someone I have been working with longer to live better and live more of my dreams.
I am also grateful for you~! Thanks for reading! Keep up the great work of enjoying life!
~Marina~
Every week is pretty amazing, isn't it? It wasn't all week that death was swirling around me, but I felt it. We had some great patients pass away too recently. And we had other patients that are forging forward with fabulous things!
I think it's super succulent when anyone marches forward fiercely toward their dreams! I think it's especially super wonderful when patients who might be somewhat near the end of their lives, say, buy an RV and plan to drive off into the warm sunset!
It's funny, I may work in a cancer clinic. However, for me it's a great way to earn my keep these days. AND expand myself in the midst of chaos and change in the workplace, challenging economic times the kinda devalue us as employees instead of how we could be boosted up, and more super lessons. I totally appreciate my job and I mostly love it every day. It's incredibly rewarding for different reasons.
I see patients of all kinds. We are taught to show kindness and professionalism. This is easy to do, for I am this way naturally when I am in my work environment. (And I've had soooo many different fun environments!) Most that succumb are left with only a little life to live. Bless them all, and I am grateful they touched my lives.
Even when my doctors advocate one thing, I inwardly love it when patients rebel and decide to forgo continuing with treatment to drive their RV somewhere warm for the winter. I sooooo applaud this. They deserve to live much more than they are meekly able to. I'm jumping for joy on the inside when people tell me about their fabulous plans spending 10 days in gorgeous, friendly Belize. I spent 2 weeks there in 1999, 8 days of that on a 43 foot catamaran with fabulous people! It's still a dream trip in my heart!
I want to honor one of my friends on that incredible trip to Belize. His motto was "no regrets". It fits in with living your dreams until the end! He may have met his end already, so what an incredible life he was able to live! Jungle hats off to you fabulous Bob, wherever you are!
So many of us aren't stricken with a disease that gives us a timeline. I'm super grateful to be alive these days where we can run furiously toward one or fifty dreams OR we can keep marching toward them with our drumbeat continuously beating toward our dreams! We are so blessed with people to connect with who share our dreams, and endless sources of fabulousness and inspiration!
I'm grateful for two direct sources of this for me, Hemal Radia and Leonie Dawson. Super grateful hugs to both of you! Leonie makes me realize how fabulous it is to be alive today where we can create fun words! Hemal is someone I have been working with longer to live better and live more of my dreams.
I am also grateful for you~! Thanks for reading! Keep up the great work of enjoying life!
~Marina~
Saturday, October 19, 2013
It's A Great Place To Be
Quick! Name 3 things you are grateful for in the comments below. It is sooooo good to be mindful about what we appreciate and savor in all parts of our lives.
I don't have a long commute or drive to my work, but for some time now I hardly turn the radio on. I choose to think positively and be grateful and aware of what I am seeing. Just today near the end of my walk with Biggie my pug, I saw a row of maple trees sprinkled with a few others that were just gorgeous with the redness of fall.
Truly, I am finding more and more to be grateful for every day!
The longer I live in my townhouse, I am grateful for the home I live in. I wasn't always. My daughter and I lived with my parents up until May, 2012. We lived in their walkout basement. It was about 1,000 square feet with a full kitchen, one bedroom, and a fabulous bathroom with a big Jacuzzi bath. I miss the bath!
I didn't know how I would be able to move out and if I would be able to pay for everything. And I hadn't been working steadily at that point. I was working two different office jobs through my temporary agency instead of getting a "real" job.
Everything worked out perfectly. Right before I moved out, I started at the job I'm still at. Yes, it's still through my temporary agency, yet I am still there savoring the learning and the fabulous coworkers and the gifts the patients bring.
It's funny, when I came to look at this place we now call home, I wasn't sure. Not sure at all. Yet I put myself in the place of being grateful it is better than what I just came from, along with splashing my walls in ocean, juicy passionfruit, and green grape colors.
Yes, so many parts of me still long to be living at the ocean and in warmth. Especially now that winter's nearly upon us! Yet... I am finding myself focusing on what I love about living here. Daily small things tug on my heart and gratitude muscles. I suppose it is only in being thankful for it all and most importantly the small things that we allow ourselves to keep moving toward who we want to be, who we are meant to be. Most of all, I am grateful for the me I am along with the me I am becoming!
I don't have a long commute or drive to my work, but for some time now I hardly turn the radio on. I choose to think positively and be grateful and aware of what I am seeing. Just today near the end of my walk with Biggie my pug, I saw a row of maple trees sprinkled with a few others that were just gorgeous with the redness of fall.
Truly, I am finding more and more to be grateful for every day!
The longer I live in my townhouse, I am grateful for the home I live in. I wasn't always. My daughter and I lived with my parents up until May, 2012. We lived in their walkout basement. It was about 1,000 square feet with a full kitchen, one bedroom, and a fabulous bathroom with a big Jacuzzi bath. I miss the bath!
I didn't know how I would be able to move out and if I would be able to pay for everything. And I hadn't been working steadily at that point. I was working two different office jobs through my temporary agency instead of getting a "real" job.
Everything worked out perfectly. Right before I moved out, I started at the job I'm still at. Yes, it's still through my temporary agency, yet I am still there savoring the learning and the fabulous coworkers and the gifts the patients bring.
It's funny, when I came to look at this place we now call home, I wasn't sure. Not sure at all. Yet I put myself in the place of being grateful it is better than what I just came from, along with splashing my walls in ocean, juicy passionfruit, and green grape colors.
Yes, so many parts of me still long to be living at the ocean and in warmth. Especially now that winter's nearly upon us! Yet... I am finding myself focusing on what I love about living here. Daily small things tug on my heart and gratitude muscles. I suppose it is only in being thankful for it all and most importantly the small things that we allow ourselves to keep moving toward who we want to be, who we are meant to be. Most of all, I am grateful for the me I am along with the me I am becoming!
Friday, October 11, 2013
Grateful For The Laughter!
What do you do during your days? As you might know, for my day job I work at a cancer clinic as a scheduler. And can you believe it~I am still here as a "temporary office employee". I only say can you believe it because I have been here since April of 2012. There has been much turmoil whilst here, but I choose to keep calm and have faith I will keep working. I like that this is one area I can keep calm and have faith, despite others worrying about it for me.
These days, life flows by at our clinic. We miss our fabulous patients that are no longer here, and treasure the ones still here. I also run into fun people from my past, such as my junior high and high school art teacher. Sigh. Seeing her brought warm feelings in my heart for quite a while~she was a person who taught what she loved and so to speak loved you unconditionally. Errr, you can't tell I grew up in a religious home, can you? :)
I think my favorite part about work these days is sharing fun moments that turn into memories with my coworkers. There are a fabulous handful of them. Everyone is of the good sort, but a few make the days go by swiftly and with smiles on my heart. I'm grateful for all of them!
There are lots of projects and parts to our scheduling jobs. I gave up caffeine before September started, so in the morning I am merely trying to find my way into the day. I keep my head to the ground and do my work, focusing on a special project I had been tasked with. Even though we are always busy with phone calls from all our patients, along with scheduling and making the charts for the next few days, we take time now and then to laugh and share stories about each others lives. It's such a treat to have these fun moments. It truly brights your life when you have laughter surrounding you on all sides!
Enjoy the laughter and fun moments in your life!
These days, life flows by at our clinic. We miss our fabulous patients that are no longer here, and treasure the ones still here. I also run into fun people from my past, such as my junior high and high school art teacher. Sigh. Seeing her brought warm feelings in my heart for quite a while~she was a person who taught what she loved and so to speak loved you unconditionally. Errr, you can't tell I grew up in a religious home, can you? :)
I think my favorite part about work these days is sharing fun moments that turn into memories with my coworkers. There are a fabulous handful of them. Everyone is of the good sort, but a few make the days go by swiftly and with smiles on my heart. I'm grateful for all of them!
There are lots of projects and parts to our scheduling jobs. I gave up caffeine before September started, so in the morning I am merely trying to find my way into the day. I keep my head to the ground and do my work, focusing on a special project I had been tasked with. Even though we are always busy with phone calls from all our patients, along with scheduling and making the charts for the next few days, we take time now and then to laugh and share stories about each others lives. It's such a treat to have these fun moments. It truly brights your life when you have laughter surrounding you on all sides!
Enjoy the laughter and fun moments in your life!
Thursday, October 3, 2013
1 Lesson From Our New Beardie
Hola Fabulous People! I hope you're living succulently! :)
My daughter bought a baby bearded dragon at the very beginning of September. She's only about six inches long, possibly seven. It's pretty awesome having her! She's cute and likes to bask under her sun lamp~I mean who wouldn't want to sit under bright warmth all day long here in Minnesota? :)
Right now we are only feeding her live small crickets. However, our fabulous supplier (Chuck and Don's) was out so they gave us medium crickets. Whoa! We have a cricket keeper but we put all the crickets in her aquarium cage. They hide in the hole in her fabulously long log (the same one she basks on). In the morning and at night (feeding times) Bella or I pick up the log, which is about a foot or so long. We shake out the crickets that are hiding.
I'm telling you~these humongous crickets are neverending! We used to go buy the little crickets twice a week (3-4 dozen each time we went). We haven't bought any in over a week!
Guess which crickets our bearded dragon Mango goes after first? The BIGGEST ones! I love it! What a metaphor for all of us~go after what you want. It's fabulously rewarding as you reel it in. It's even rewarding if you change goals midstream. The point is to go after your goals, those big things you want out of life!
I just reeled in my next car! This morning I heard one of my favorite songs for right now and rocked out in my car on the way to work~Keith Urban's Little Bit of Everything. I blasted onto the freeway feeling goooooood! I love it when life flows so graciously and we're having all the fun in the world!
What are the big thing(s) you are reeling in right now? I am working actively on growing my businesses so I can work from home. I am continually releasing my old mindsets that tell me 'I'm a poor single mama' or 'I don't have enough money to travel yet'. No more! I'm enjoying the journey as it happens while at the same time stretching myself to bring more in! It's time!
My daughter bought a baby bearded dragon at the very beginning of September. She's only about six inches long, possibly seven. It's pretty awesome having her! She's cute and likes to bask under her sun lamp~I mean who wouldn't want to sit under bright warmth all day long here in Minnesota? :)
Right now we are only feeding her live small crickets. However, our fabulous supplier (Chuck and Don's) was out so they gave us medium crickets. Whoa! We have a cricket keeper but we put all the crickets in her aquarium cage. They hide in the hole in her fabulously long log (the same one she basks on). In the morning and at night (feeding times) Bella or I pick up the log, which is about a foot or so long. We shake out the crickets that are hiding.
I'm telling you~these humongous crickets are neverending! We used to go buy the little crickets twice a week (3-4 dozen each time we went). We haven't bought any in over a week!
Guess which crickets our bearded dragon Mango goes after first? The BIGGEST ones! I love it! What a metaphor for all of us~go after what you want. It's fabulously rewarding as you reel it in. It's even rewarding if you change goals midstream. The point is to go after your goals, those big things you want out of life!
I just reeled in my next car! This morning I heard one of my favorite songs for right now and rocked out in my car on the way to work~Keith Urban's Little Bit of Everything. I blasted onto the freeway feeling goooooood! I love it when life flows so graciously and we're having all the fun in the world!
What are the big thing(s) you are reeling in right now? I am working actively on growing my businesses so I can work from home. I am continually releasing my old mindsets that tell me 'I'm a poor single mama' or 'I don't have enough money to travel yet'. No more! I'm enjoying the journey as it happens while at the same time stretching myself to bring more in! It's time!
Monday, July 8, 2013
What If I Buy A Toolbox?
Happy Sunday! Hope wherever you are in your fun corner of the world you are having an awesome day!
I just put my hammer and nails away...into my kitchen junk drawer. Well, er, I could rephrase that...into my everything drawer. I have a few tools, like the hammer, a long-nose pliers, regular pliers, and a spackle flat thingy. Hammering away made me wonder if I needed a toolbox to put my few tools in, now that I have a house.
We have lived in our townhouse a little over a year now. Lately I've been reflecting how I've been back in Minnesota since 2009 (technically~with my two bouts of a few weeks in the late summer/early fall of living with that wacky friend in the keys in 2009 and 2010). That makes it four years we've living in Minnesota again. And it's actually going really well here!
To think about how fabulous life has gotten makes me feel great about adjusting and being grateful for the good things. Mainly, I no longer find myself longingly looking back at the fabulousness we lived in Key West and Miami Beach. I sure loved those times and I'm grateful, yet I do my best to make each day count here!
What makes me appreciate life right now? Soooooo many delicious things! My work~challenging and always changing. I learned scheduling in an incredibly busy cancer/hematology clinic #1 starting in April 2012. Then in January I was miraculously sent to clinic #2 to help with scheduling. This second clinic was such a godsend. Amusingly a coworker full of venom and depression and other health concerns warned me away from everything that has turned out wonderful.
I have adored working in the second clinic along with the ambiance there (it's known for healing and spirituality~so me!) and the loving coworkers even as our schedule gets busier. In both places I've loved many of the patients. Saddened when the good ones pass, yet treasuring the hugs I get from the ones who miss my absences. This brings a big smile to my heart.
Physically I am doing better, too. I still grapple with (yikes! gasp!) the voices inside that pronounce if I would simply start juicing I would lose all my weight miraculously and quickly. I guess I'm human and that's not completely the last thing I will tackle, yet it could be close to last. I am simply grateful to feel so much better this summer. I imagine its my mind and my day to day grooviness I'm living that helps this summer to be far better! Are we ever grateful for the tough times? I don't do depression well, so I am ever grateful and giddy with happiness to get over the bad parts. It's lovely to come home and actually have the energy to cook a healthy meal, go walking with Bella and Biggie my fabulous little pug after dinner, work on the kitchen, working on the house, and have time for my creative stuff/writing/the downtime stuff like facebook and reading.
This has been a fantastic summer~and it's far from over! I'm also learning to be more kind and much easier on myself. Who knows, I may feel compelled to find a toolbox when I visit my next yard sale!
I just put my hammer and nails away...into my kitchen junk drawer. Well, er, I could rephrase that...into my everything drawer. I have a few tools, like the hammer, a long-nose pliers, regular pliers, and a spackle flat thingy. Hammering away made me wonder if I needed a toolbox to put my few tools in, now that I have a house.
We have lived in our townhouse a little over a year now. Lately I've been reflecting how I've been back in Minnesota since 2009 (technically~with my two bouts of a few weeks in the late summer/early fall of living with that wacky friend in the keys in 2009 and 2010). That makes it four years we've living in Minnesota again. And it's actually going really well here!
To think about how fabulous life has gotten makes me feel great about adjusting and being grateful for the good things. Mainly, I no longer find myself longingly looking back at the fabulousness we lived in Key West and Miami Beach. I sure loved those times and I'm grateful, yet I do my best to make each day count here!
What makes me appreciate life right now? Soooooo many delicious things! My work~challenging and always changing. I learned scheduling in an incredibly busy cancer/hematology clinic #1 starting in April 2012. Then in January I was miraculously sent to clinic #2 to help with scheduling. This second clinic was such a godsend. Amusingly a coworker full of venom and depression and other health concerns warned me away from everything that has turned out wonderful.
I have adored working in the second clinic along with the ambiance there (it's known for healing and spirituality~so me!) and the loving coworkers even as our schedule gets busier. In both places I've loved many of the patients. Saddened when the good ones pass, yet treasuring the hugs I get from the ones who miss my absences. This brings a big smile to my heart.
Physically I am doing better, too. I still grapple with (yikes! gasp!) the voices inside that pronounce if I would simply start juicing I would lose all my weight miraculously and quickly. I guess I'm human and that's not completely the last thing I will tackle, yet it could be close to last. I am simply grateful to feel so much better this summer. I imagine its my mind and my day to day grooviness I'm living that helps this summer to be far better! Are we ever grateful for the tough times? I don't do depression well, so I am ever grateful and giddy with happiness to get over the bad parts. It's lovely to come home and actually have the energy to cook a healthy meal, go walking with Bella and Biggie my fabulous little pug after dinner, work on the kitchen, working on the house, and have time for my creative stuff/writing/the downtime stuff like facebook and reading.
This has been a fantastic summer~and it's far from over! I'm also learning to be more kind and much easier on myself. Who knows, I may feel compelled to find a toolbox when I visit my next yard sale!
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Helllloooooo Again & Making Choices
It's been a few busy months! Happy to say I've made it out on the other side of winter!
So many good things have been part of my life on a daily basis in the last few months. I am still working as a scheduler in a cancer clinic. Learning a new skill has been a boost to my fabulousness! Where I'm working and all the lovely patients I am able to interact with has been such a blessing, too. I love that I know I'm meant to be where I'm at for a while. The biggest gift I get is to live your life right now. Do all your fabulous bucket list things ~ start walking toward them anyways ~ today. My heart goes out to the ones who didn't make it, and I am grateful for them, for the part they played in my days. Very grateful.
Something on my heart lately relates to the writing client work I have been able to bring in. In this journey right now, I can see myself as a single mom with not quite enough money. That makes me make choices. I'm great at manifesting ~ and I happened to bring in writing projects from writing clients who were students. I am grateful now for the extra cash flow it brought into my life. And I'm now consciously say no more.
It's interesting how people are and how they interact. How we allow people to interact with us speaks volumes to where we are at this moment in our souls journey. I needed some extra money, so I brought that in through the form of non-native students needing help writing their papers for their classes. Yes, from the beginning parts of my knew it wasn't the best or right thing to do.
It's been a good journey. So now instead of saying no to:
Whew. Time to go enjoy our gorgeous spring weekend weather! Thanks for reading and I hope you're living fabulously too!
So many good things have been part of my life on a daily basis in the last few months. I am still working as a scheduler in a cancer clinic. Learning a new skill has been a boost to my fabulousness! Where I'm working and all the lovely patients I am able to interact with has been such a blessing, too. I love that I know I'm meant to be where I'm at for a while. The biggest gift I get is to live your life right now. Do all your fabulous bucket list things ~ start walking toward them anyways ~ today. My heart goes out to the ones who didn't make it, and I am grateful for them, for the part they played in my days. Very grateful.
Something on my heart lately relates to the writing client work I have been able to bring in. In this journey right now, I can see myself as a single mom with not quite enough money. That makes me make choices. I'm great at manifesting ~ and I happened to bring in writing projects from writing clients who were students. I am grateful now for the extra cash flow it brought into my life. And I'm now consciously say no more.
It's interesting how people are and how they interact. How we allow people to interact with us speaks volumes to where we are at this moment in our souls journey. I needed some extra money, so I brought that in through the form of non-native students needing help writing their papers for their classes. Yes, from the beginning parts of my knew it wasn't the best or right thing to do.
It's been a good journey. So now instead of saying no to:
- unethical, dishonest writing work
- low pay because they complain about the amount I asked for but supposedly needed the service
- bad communication in order to do the best job I could
- high expectations without clarity, integrity, good pay
- lack of time with my daughter due to scrambling to get their work done after my daytime job
- feeling good about learning about new things and being able to complete challenging assignments
- procrastinating because I don't really want to do it
- More time with my fabulous daughter ~ just in time for spring and summer!
- Allowing myself to better manage the money I do have
- Using other techniques to bring money in such as selling things I no longer use and decluttering
- (DING DING ~ MOST IMPORTANT) My own writing projects and riding the wild donkey to get them out the door regardless of anything and everything weighing me down as to why I haven't done this yet :)
- Getting out in nature again
- Getting away from the computer more to get fit and active and spend time doing what I love!
Whew. Time to go enjoy our gorgeous spring weekend weather! Thanks for reading and I hope you're living fabulously too!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
The Dictators In My Life
Er...ummm....yes, I've got at least a couple dictators in my life.
I discovered after leaping full speed ahead out of life my abusive ex-husband that abuse can follow you around. Another thing I learned in my valuable time in support groups to heal from that same lovely stuff is of course we learn it from our childhood or family or somewhere from our growing up years. Here and there since 2004 i have had folks in my life that were clearly abusive. These things are always good to be aware of, and even better to keep walking through the healing part of the journey!
Yep, my mom is still dictating to me how to live my life. I keep patiently teaching her how to act appropriately with me. Thank goodness I've put my daughter in child care at her school. Always when I've shelled out money when my mom offered to watch Bella for free I've found adding more peace to our lives to be worth it. It is great for my daughter to be able to just play and be a kid in one more place.
So of course in life I have noticed a pattern. Unresolved mother issues brings other people into my life to practice working through the same stuff. No time like the present! I happen to work with a couple of powerful women. One just had a baby so I have a break from her for a bit. The other one is feisty and from a middle eastern country. I am grateful to have a job, happy I've created good income and new learning opportunities to add to my past experiences. I also have always sooo very much going on and ideas about what I want to do or be or create into my life. Some things I simply live and participate in, not ready to yet shift. In many other areas of my life, I am shifting tremendously. My spirit keeps saying yes!
No, I am not yet ready to actively pursue getting a different job. I am ready to keep standing up for myself with my aggressive coworker. To keep exploring within myself how much of her actions and behavior or truly hers and if any of it is my actual or internalized mother. Exciting stuff these days! I've been so consumed with my work days ~ now to make time to reflect on this more and allow the small, gentle steps to move into better places in every area of my life!
Thanks for reading. I hope you are experiencing abundant gratitude moments! :)
~ Marina
I discovered after leaping full speed ahead out of life my abusive ex-husband that abuse can follow you around. Another thing I learned in my valuable time in support groups to heal from that same lovely stuff is of course we learn it from our childhood or family or somewhere from our growing up years. Here and there since 2004 i have had folks in my life that were clearly abusive. These things are always good to be aware of, and even better to keep walking through the healing part of the journey!
Yep, my mom is still dictating to me how to live my life. I keep patiently teaching her how to act appropriately with me. Thank goodness I've put my daughter in child care at her school. Always when I've shelled out money when my mom offered to watch Bella for free I've found adding more peace to our lives to be worth it. It is great for my daughter to be able to just play and be a kid in one more place.
So of course in life I have noticed a pattern. Unresolved mother issues brings other people into my life to practice working through the same stuff. No time like the present! I happen to work with a couple of powerful women. One just had a baby so I have a break from her for a bit. The other one is feisty and from a middle eastern country. I am grateful to have a job, happy I've created good income and new learning opportunities to add to my past experiences. I also have always sooo very much going on and ideas about what I want to do or be or create into my life. Some things I simply live and participate in, not ready to yet shift. In many other areas of my life, I am shifting tremendously. My spirit keeps saying yes!
No, I am not yet ready to actively pursue getting a different job. I am ready to keep standing up for myself with my aggressive coworker. To keep exploring within myself how much of her actions and behavior or truly hers and if any of it is my actual or internalized mother. Exciting stuff these days! I've been so consumed with my work days ~ now to make time to reflect on this more and allow the small, gentle steps to move into better places in every area of my life!
Thanks for reading. I hope you are experiencing abundant gratitude moments! :)
~ Marina
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Calendars
Wow ~ has life been clipping along at a fabulously nice pace! I just walked by my only calendar that's hanging up. It was made by my daughter for a mother's day present at school. Since it's a "work of art" I don't feel it's a real calendar ~ the kind you keep track of your life on.
That got me to thinking: I do not have any real calendars for this year to keep track of my life on. Not even one calendar to write important dates on or goals I am striving toward. Yes, we did just move into a new place. In May. And I am still unpacking. Chuckle, chuckle! I took a summer intensive class that has been over for a few weeks so I've started gingerly unpacking again.
Looking at a calendar and thinking or pondering about goals and what I want to truly be doing as opposed to what I'm allowing to take up my moments is a great time to pause. Another great time to pause, since I am one who loves to reflect deeply or to think about how everything is interconnected. For me, I can see since I did not consciously take time to buy a calendar I can keep track of my monthly goals and what I am choosing to live, life is going to continue zinging by faster and faster.
I've chosen to jump in more this year by getting a full time job that is pushing and stretching me while allowing me to become even more. Laughing to myself, I can honestly admit I have way too many "things" or areas of importance in life to 'be balanced about'. I have deep, passionate goals for myself. I am choosing to continue getting healthier and healthier mentally, spiritually and physically. I love that I keep choosing to live again. I love that I continue again toward the path of being who I am, and allowing it as fully as I can.
Yes, calendars are important. Yet, at the same time, it's more important what we choose to fill our moments with. Do we keep letting life pass us by or set intentions and then allow them to be fulfilled? In my deeply fulfilling work right now, I am receiving the gift of life. The gift of time and the opportunity to make a difference by bringing forth all these flowering seeds keeping time in my heart. Each and every day I count my blessings to still be alive, to still be allowed to make a difference. I am given the gift of being able to even keep a calendar and plan into the future. What beauty each day can hold ~ each day I can start fresh toward being grateful for it all and to work toward bringing my art and my creations into the world.
What comes up within you as you look at your calendar?
That got me to thinking: I do not have any real calendars for this year to keep track of my life on. Not even one calendar to write important dates on or goals I am striving toward. Yes, we did just move into a new place. In May. And I am still unpacking. Chuckle, chuckle! I took a summer intensive class that has been over for a few weeks so I've started gingerly unpacking again.
Looking at a calendar and thinking or pondering about goals and what I want to truly be doing as opposed to what I'm allowing to take up my moments is a great time to pause. Another great time to pause, since I am one who loves to reflect deeply or to think about how everything is interconnected. For me, I can see since I did not consciously take time to buy a calendar I can keep track of my monthly goals and what I am choosing to live, life is going to continue zinging by faster and faster.
I've chosen to jump in more this year by getting a full time job that is pushing and stretching me while allowing me to become even more. Laughing to myself, I can honestly admit I have way too many "things" or areas of importance in life to 'be balanced about'. I have deep, passionate goals for myself. I am choosing to continue getting healthier and healthier mentally, spiritually and physically. I love that I keep choosing to live again. I love that I continue again toward the path of being who I am, and allowing it as fully as I can.
Yes, calendars are important. Yet, at the same time, it's more important what we choose to fill our moments with. Do we keep letting life pass us by or set intentions and then allow them to be fulfilled? In my deeply fulfilling work right now, I am receiving the gift of life. The gift of time and the opportunity to make a difference by bringing forth all these flowering seeds keeping time in my heart. Each and every day I count my blessings to still be alive, to still be allowed to make a difference. I am given the gift of being able to even keep a calendar and plan into the future. What beauty each day can hold ~ each day I can start fresh toward being grateful for it all and to work toward bringing my art and my creations into the world.
What comes up within you as you look at your calendar?
Monday, June 25, 2012
~What A Week~
Life got a little crazy, which is absolutely nothing new. I'm determined to jump back into life again. I tell myself I'm up for more. This soooo beats the opposite end of the spectrum for me, which is to become and stay paralyzed with fear. No thanks and goodbye to that old life. I love it and breathe in the fullness of choosing to live again!
Why do we keep ourselves away from that which we adore and love?
This week I've been reflecting on what is worth doing. I work with people who are often passing on to the other side, finished here on the earth. It is sad that they have finished up. Yes, it is also such a natural part of the whole cycle of life. That makes me think our creative, juicy lives need to be part of this natural cycle, too. There is so much life to be lived. So much joy to experience. There are some things we need to do, such as work or perhaps deal with a family member who hurts you immensely but still provides help that is needed, both in my case.
One day as I was walking out to my car during lunch, I thought about this: if you only had a year left, what would you do? And what if you knew you only had a year left but had not the money to travel the world or someother decadent thing costing money? If you were dying from cancer, or some other disease/condition, your health would likely be compromised, leaving you unable to fully do what your soul sings to do.
Me? I know what I could do that wouldn't necessarily cost anything ~ I would write about 20 books! We never know how long we are meant for this earth this time. And that is something that essentially costs only time and creativity and persistence.
I'm determined to start back on doing that which I love. Last week I felt like I was getting up at the crack of dawn, so I'm sticking to it. Instead of doing writing client work and still feeling frazzled, I intend to keep writing my book. I've got a little over 17,000 words already! Yippee! I'm a tad overwhelmed by all the fabulous things I want to work on ~ I feel waking up early and sitting down at the page is helping soothe me already. I feel good about it.
Tell me, what would you do if you only had a year? And how can you step into it more in your life right now?
Why do we keep ourselves away from that which we adore and love?
This week I've been reflecting on what is worth doing. I work with people who are often passing on to the other side, finished here on the earth. It is sad that they have finished up. Yes, it is also such a natural part of the whole cycle of life. That makes me think our creative, juicy lives need to be part of this natural cycle, too. There is so much life to be lived. So much joy to experience. There are some things we need to do, such as work or perhaps deal with a family member who hurts you immensely but still provides help that is needed, both in my case.
One day as I was walking out to my car during lunch, I thought about this: if you only had a year left, what would you do? And what if you knew you only had a year left but had not the money to travel the world or someother decadent thing costing money? If you were dying from cancer, or some other disease/condition, your health would likely be compromised, leaving you unable to fully do what your soul sings to do.
Me? I know what I could do that wouldn't necessarily cost anything ~ I would write about 20 books! We never know how long we are meant for this earth this time. And that is something that essentially costs only time and creativity and persistence.
I'm determined to start back on doing that which I love. Last week I felt like I was getting up at the crack of dawn, so I'm sticking to it. Instead of doing writing client work and still feeling frazzled, I intend to keep writing my book. I've got a little over 17,000 words already! Yippee! I'm a tad overwhelmed by all the fabulous things I want to work on ~ I feel waking up early and sitting down at the page is helping soothe me already. I feel good about it.
Tell me, what would you do if you only had a year? And how can you step into it more in your life right now?
Friday, June 15, 2012
So Happy These Days
I am just amazed at the pace life is clipping along at these days for me. I feel immensely blessed for all these blessings.
I am having so much fun at my job each day. Amazingly learning new skills ~ now I know how to schedule cat scans and bone density tests and such. The biggest part of me adores learning new things! I love to stretch my brain. I feel grateful as I've gotten older I've become more comfortable in my skin and confident as well. I still work on shedding stuff like giving a rip what others think of me or judging myself against others. One way I could look at it: if ms. x had lived through what I lived through, how would they have handled it.
I truly am so grateful for all these lessons along this path I'm on.
Summer is just my absolutely favorite time. This isn't even about the warm weather or the beach. And it's something I am experiencing living in Minnesota ~ I adore the way the air smells after things have started growing again, just after spring when mother nature is sliding into the beginning of summer. Ahhhh. So content. That beautiful, fresh, sweet smell mixed with sunshine reminds me how good life can be. It also symbolizes the stagnant part of the year is over and now we can embrace growth and loving ourselves. Not necessarily to bring in more, although that is fun, too. Whatever we with and without intent focused on and prayed into existence is coming in.
That is the beauty in life right now. I love loving life again. I love being grateful for so many things every day. I love the hustle of getting back into the swing of living fully again. This means living in our own place again, a new job that is most days over alarmingly fast with many smiled and lots of laughter shared with patients and coworkers, just making life work again. I love that I am actually ready and already embracing it all again. Getting up, getting myself and my daughter ready, dropping her at her grandma's for free daycare, sliding into work sometimes early and sometimes just barely in time, weaving through the tapestry of the busyness of the day, a new extremely fun class that counts toward my pre-nursing classes, even going out.
It's so amazing to be on the other side. To trust it is and will keep getting better. Best of all, to be grateful for all the moments. Ahhhh, life.
I am having so much fun at my job each day. Amazingly learning new skills ~ now I know how to schedule cat scans and bone density tests and such. The biggest part of me adores learning new things! I love to stretch my brain. I feel grateful as I've gotten older I've become more comfortable in my skin and confident as well. I still work on shedding stuff like giving a rip what others think of me or judging myself against others. One way I could look at it: if ms. x had lived through what I lived through, how would they have handled it.
I truly am so grateful for all these lessons along this path I'm on.
Summer is just my absolutely favorite time. This isn't even about the warm weather or the beach. And it's something I am experiencing living in Minnesota ~ I adore the way the air smells after things have started growing again, just after spring when mother nature is sliding into the beginning of summer. Ahhhh. So content. That beautiful, fresh, sweet smell mixed with sunshine reminds me how good life can be. It also symbolizes the stagnant part of the year is over and now we can embrace growth and loving ourselves. Not necessarily to bring in more, although that is fun, too. Whatever we with and without intent focused on and prayed into existence is coming in.
That is the beauty in life right now. I love loving life again. I love being grateful for so many things every day. I love the hustle of getting back into the swing of living fully again. This means living in our own place again, a new job that is most days over alarmingly fast with many smiled and lots of laughter shared with patients and coworkers, just making life work again. I love that I am actually ready and already embracing it all again. Getting up, getting myself and my daughter ready, dropping her at her grandma's for free daycare, sliding into work sometimes early and sometimes just barely in time, weaving through the tapestry of the busyness of the day, a new extremely fun class that counts toward my pre-nursing classes, even going out.
It's so amazing to be on the other side. To trust it is and will keep getting better. Best of all, to be grateful for all the moments. Ahhhh, life.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Press The Easy Button
So, ahem. Hi again! And ahem again. I was having such fun today at work when this cute Hungarian boy came in. He's not really a boy, he's just 9 years younger than me and has that young, youthful look about him. Yes, he's a patient at the clinic I started working at in the beginning of April. Me and my accents...it has just been so delicious and fun to actually find men to flirt with again and talk with. What a treat. You know, the cute smile, sense of humor, tallness. :)
:) and now I am blushing, just like at work with my fun coworkers!
There was a young boy (brought with to his grandfather's appointment) who was reaching for a cup on the counter. He was perhaps four or five years old, so pretty short and little and cute. He was stretching and stretching. My coworker told him to keep stretching "just a little farther".
I immediately shouted over his way "See how there are three metal parts? Grab the one closest to you and pull it towards you. Then you can get it easy." My coworker and the cute boy almost started booing me, tell me that's how you stretch and grow taller. Hmmm. Really? I said to them and the little boy "I'm all about pressing the easy button."
Yes, I am. It's that simple.
What made me feel even better later is that the grandma said the boy has an artificial leg. And again later he got another cup in the same manner I suggested. I looked over to see that his fingers weren't fully formed.
I'm all about stretching and pushing yourself to do new things and create an even better life doing things you've never done before. At the same time, I'm lately all about savoring the moment. Enjoying your fun moments you have every day. And that sure felt good in my heart to help that boy. Perhaps it's because my hearing loss is caused by nerve damage which caused birth defects and it was from a prescription drug my mom was given by a doctor way back when. Today, with this boy and what was perhaps also nerve damange it showed me how we always find connections with others, along with ways of helping them.
:) and now I am blushing, just like at work with my fun coworkers!
There was a young boy (brought with to his grandfather's appointment) who was reaching for a cup on the counter. He was perhaps four or five years old, so pretty short and little and cute. He was stretching and stretching. My coworker told him to keep stretching "just a little farther".
I immediately shouted over his way "See how there are three metal parts? Grab the one closest to you and pull it towards you. Then you can get it easy." My coworker and the cute boy almost started booing me, tell me that's how you stretch and grow taller. Hmmm. Really? I said to them and the little boy "I'm all about pressing the easy button."
Yes, I am. It's that simple.
What made me feel even better later is that the grandma said the boy has an artificial leg. And again later he got another cup in the same manner I suggested. I looked over to see that his fingers weren't fully formed.
I'm all about stretching and pushing yourself to do new things and create an even better life doing things you've never done before. At the same time, I'm lately all about savoring the moment. Enjoying your fun moments you have every day. And that sure felt good in my heart to help that boy. Perhaps it's because my hearing loss is caused by nerve damage which caused birth defects and it was from a prescription drug my mom was given by a doctor way back when. Today, with this boy and what was perhaps also nerve damange it showed me how we always find connections with others, along with ways of helping them.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Forgedduhboudit!
I was washing dishes. Sigh. Let me say that I have to wash the dishes to clear out the sink to put the pinesol/degreaser/water mix in a bucket and then mop the floors. This meditate handwashing of dishes got me to thinking about this weekend. It's "Easter" weekendfor those of you who celebrate it. I no longer do. I believe in something higher and I am spiritual (not religious). You know how some proudly say they are bornagains from whatever date? I became a recovered lutheran when I was 24 :) That's my story and I'm stickin' to it! (got that phrase from my fabulous Belize catamaran trip in 1999 from when the eight of us would sit around after dinner and we would all answer the same question and that was what we tacked onto the end of it! That and 'NO REGRETS!' from Bob and Herb give my heart good memories!) :)
Let me preface what I'm going to say (and hey, this is my blog so there! :)) by saying you are truly blessed if you have a wonderful mom and a great or even a good or decent relationship with her. I do not. I do have a wonderful mom. I'm appreciative of all she does for me, yet I learn so much more about what N O T to do! I'm going to be moving soon. Into our own townhouse. And starting a new job which I have a feeling will turn into another fabulous segment of my life! Seeing as how I don't "celebrate" churchy Easter (okay maybe I celebrate Eater - had a typo and thought of that!) and we have my brother and his finicky wife here for the weekend, I realized how wonderful it will be to say N O again to these family things!
That got me to thinking what else don't I like not necessarily about 'what my mom does to me' but what will I no longer have to do when my mom is no longer on this earth? Let me confess because of the animosity my mom must have for me, I have a fantasy that when she passes over is when I can start doing B I G healing from her. This allowed me to think I had to convince you I'm not planning a coup or some other tragedy. It also allowed me to think along the lines of one of my current goals with my current therapist ~ to quit blaming my parents for not learning fucking fabulous things from them or to be successful. (Yes, I'm giggling too!) They did so many wonderful things for us growing up, but I do have countless challenges, or I supposed I could say 'perspectives' to change and keep living my own life.
In connecting with another fabulous soul lately, Julie-Anne, I truly am leaping more into living and thriving rather than the wallowing you heard on this blog last year. It W I L L be wonderful and a blessing to live on my own again (obviously with my little flower and pug and lovebird). It will be a next step for again allowing myself to get back to who I am meant to be.
If I had my way, this is what I would hurry up and heal from or get over that's crappy remnants from my mom:
~ Start doing what I want to do instead of collapsing on the heap of other people's expectations. (That means this Easter weekend and feeling pressure to clean everything up when I just want to keep living my own life.)
~ Be the kind of mom who has more succulent, laughing moments and memories with my daughter rather than the shameful things that are programmed into me like keeping the house clean or doing the dishes instead of laughing with Bella.
~ Just truly L E T G O of what other people might think about me. Whose life is this anyways???!!!
~ I haven't done this in a while, but release forever the need to attract anyone into my life who has less than me where I feel I must fix them or take care of them and most especially release the need to buy someone things so they will like me. Partly this may be unconscious. Partly I get bored with myself, my own life, or just don't want to do the work on myself so it becomes an excuse. No thanks and no more.
~ The need to be any more than I am right now. Even if I weigh more than I want to, even if I make less money than I am worth, even if I am not this or not that. Even if I am not what I hear my mom trying to pound into my ears and head on what to be speaking from her hurt spirit. Right now I am a fabulous spirit! I am alive and I am loving my journey again!
~ All shame or expectations for me from my parents, my brothers, and mostly society or wierd relatives! I love that this is my journey. I love that when I allow it, I have the absolutely perfect souls connecting to me for joy and for the next lesson. I love all the joy I partake in when I listen to who I truly am. All the rest is what makes us have illness and unhappiness if we listen to it.
Wishing you the perfect life for fabulous you right now!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
42 Things In 42 Years!
There are soooo many super-awesome people who write awesome things that I follow :) They're about travelling, building your own business and being able to live on the beach in the Pacific, releasing, the funniness of life. Some of these are young whippersnappers! I love that, too. I get inspired by their 27 in 27 years posts...so I'm challenging myself here to make my own but to keep it short :) So I actually finish! Ha! :)
42 Things I Have Learned In 42 Years To Make Life More Succulent,
To Move Through The Suckiness Faster,
To Get To The Part Where You Drink In The Good Things Again
To Move Through The Suckiness Faster,
To Get To The Part Where You Drink In The Good Things Again
- Breathe it in when it's good. Treasure those good moments, good days, good months, good years!
- Trust that life will get good again. It will.
- In quiet moments list in your head what you are grateful for. I do this when I'm falling asleep.
- Be outrageous! Live wildly when you can!!
- When someone asks you why as in "Why did you travel to 20 countries?" sassily retort: "Why not!" :)
- When you are stuck, move 27 things. I think the fabulous Denise Linn says if you move 27 things around it shifts the energy.
- Declutter! Why? Why not!
- Read inspirational, positive people/websites/books/blogs.
- Start by loving yourself. Keep loving yourself.
- Expect nothing. (Not from yourself of course!) This is a good trick or technique to get through days you're not especially fond of, like holidays or birthdays. This way you're overjoyed at the nice things that happen.
- Be grateful for even the smallest things. Even when life is going great for you. Especially when life is not going so great!
- If you are feeling crabby or unloved, do ONE (small or big) thing for yourself to nurture yourself and your spirit.
- Are you an artist? Even if you aren't, create art as often as you can. Who cares if you think you can't whatever. Just do it.
- Look at your art. Treasure it in your heart.
- Look at other art.
- Be open to allowing new things in. Listen to get a sign for the next book to read. Take a moment to talk and laugh with the person waiting in line with you to check out. Lovely moments are always happening!
- Cultivate a life you love.
- Have courage to release the negative and the toxic. Yes, even if it's your family. At the end of the day, you are obligated to nothing (no-thing) :)
- Allow yourself to flourish. I have loved sinking into more of who I am as I've gotten older.
- Jump into it! Take that daring leap and go live in that foreign country.
- It is true that your only regrets are what you haven't done - it can stay in your mind.
- Forgive yourself easily. For everything. For your interactions with others that didn't go so well. For not leaving sooner. For not jumping in soon enough.
- Allow.
- Make treasure maps. Some call them vision boards. I have collected pictures and phrases over the years and kept them. Now I get notebooks that were lying around and tape everything in.
- Surround yourself with images and phrases of what you want to bring in.
- Say yes when it comes in! Even if you're scared! Even if you forgot how it is to live succulently!
- Get some great shoes!
- Walk great places in your great shoes.
- Listen to what people around you are telling you with their words, their stories and their actions.
- Forgive yourself for anything you see as a mistake. My thing has been forgiving my parents for not teaching me more, and my mom for not loving me unconditionally.
- Access your beautiful interior. Do this by reading beautiful words and travelling to countries where you do not know the language so you must spend time by yourself.
- Believe the Universe/Spirit/God/Goddess has FABULOUS things in store for you!
- Yes, you are worth it!
- Surround yourself with crazy, succulent, fun friends!
- Trust that whatever journey you are on, you are meant to be on. Yes, I'm a single mom. Yes, I was with someone not so great. I feel sooo blessed to have my daughter, especially now that I'm not sure if I'll have any more beautiful children naturally :)
- Walk away from negative nellies faster. I haven't yet mastered the art of tuning them out while having experiences with them. I bless them and then bless myself for knowing I'm greater than their fears. :)
- If you have a dream, take one step towards it. Take another. And another. Pretty soon you biked 88 miles in one day :) Or wrote that first book (I've got 16,000 words already in mine!)
- Expect miracles. And then be grateful for what you allow in :)
- Treasure things/experiences/most of all people and release when its time.
- Be grateful your life is better now than it used to be.
- Trust your life will get fabulous again. I tend to have an "18 months of suckiness period". I know, it sounds funny. I'm grateful to have passed through another one!
- Learn. Learn about yourself. Set big dreams. Go for whatever is in your big, beautiful heart. Always believe in yourself!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Living More In The Now
I was just lying in bed, not trying very hard to fall asleep. I started to say what I was grateful for. My mind slipped to thinking about how I'd like to start doing some leg/arm exercises daily and to do some exercise daily, too. That, of course, got me wondering how to do this when I start working again. It's easy now that my days are filled with me...but I expect to be working in some new office again very soon.
It's fun being a single mom ~ or even being a mom for that matter, isn't it! :) I don't know about you, but I have LOTS on my plate! All these things to see if I can fit in the day when I'm motivated to do so (are you chuckling already, too? ). And those things to do to improve myself and our life. Ah, well.
No wonder my mind keeps drifting from saying gratitudes to myself just before I fall asleep. This time in wondering how I would fit in this blossoming desire to take care of myself in different ways, I drifted to how I did it when Bella and I lived in our own little studio apartment seven blocks from the ocean in Miami Beach. We would crash awake, bumble around and had to get out the door by a certain time. I had careen from 14th street all the way to 70th street or so on Collins Avenue. Now I can feel the whir of the art deco hotels and rising sun on my mind's eye.
I would drop my precious little daughter off at her pre-kindergarten daycare called Happy Kids. What a lovely name! She had mostly good experiences there! I am chuckling to myself remembering an instance where a mom came up to me as the moms lingered a few moments after picking their children up. She asked if I wanted to get her son and my daughter together to play. I was always open to meeting new people when we lived there, to bringing new experiences in.
That changed in the blink of an eye when in the next few days I was told about 'an incident' with our kids. Kids are kids, that's my belief. She was upset with my daugher, leaving all blame in our court. The teachers weren't watching the kids and just these two went in some small room and were sharing their parts with each other. They were only five years old. Rather than be mad at anyone, I immediately wondered where the teachers were when this happend. That's why I chuckle, it's just the nature of kids~not that this occured any other time :)
Lying in bed, I couldn't remember which bridge or causeway I took to allow me to get to work on time. Probably the 41st street one. It's interesting that my memory is already fading. In many ways, this is a great sign. I tend to miss the life I just came from when I move from the tropics to the tundra. Now nearing the end of what I could call a tropical tundra winter, I am enjoying myself. Enjoying much of my days. Happy to be alive and on the mend. Just plain happy to be feeling better! As I was telling people last month 'my 18 months of suckiness are over'. Thank goodness!
I see it as a good sign that life in Miami Beach is fading. Obviously this raised in the midwest girl will forever treasure those ocean sunsets. That favorite drive in the Florida Keys with the Atlantic Sea on one side and the Gulf of Mexico on the other is forever etched in my heart. Yet these days I strive to keep putting one happy foot in front of the other. I'm working with some writing clients and figuring out how to take 1-2 classes this summer to go back to school for a nursing degree. Yes, really. I have been thinking about it for years, since Bella was born. So that's over eight years. Time to do something. I find myself wondering out loud if she and I will be in Minnesota until she's 18 so she can go to her same great school district. I figure that's enough time to become a nurse, since that's only 10 years left...till I could live on a sailboat and sail around some of the world. Yep, that's one of my current dreams - to get rid of almost everything and live on a sailboat. Yep, I've got a lot of fabulous dreams in my heart!
Here's to hoping fabulous Y O U is having a terrific new year so far and that your dreams are starting to play out!
It's fun being a single mom ~ or even being a mom for that matter, isn't it! :) I don't know about you, but I have LOTS on my plate! All these things to see if I can fit in the day when I'm motivated to do so (are you chuckling already, too? ). And those things to do to improve myself and our life. Ah, well.
No wonder my mind keeps drifting from saying gratitudes to myself just before I fall asleep. This time in wondering how I would fit in this blossoming desire to take care of myself in different ways, I drifted to how I did it when Bella and I lived in our own little studio apartment seven blocks from the ocean in Miami Beach. We would crash awake, bumble around and had to get out the door by a certain time. I had careen from 14th street all the way to 70th street or so on Collins Avenue. Now I can feel the whir of the art deco hotels and rising sun on my mind's eye.
I would drop my precious little daughter off at her pre-kindergarten daycare called Happy Kids. What a lovely name! She had mostly good experiences there! I am chuckling to myself remembering an instance where a mom came up to me as the moms lingered a few moments after picking their children up. She asked if I wanted to get her son and my daughter together to play. I was always open to meeting new people when we lived there, to bringing new experiences in.
That changed in the blink of an eye when in the next few days I was told about 'an incident' with our kids. Kids are kids, that's my belief. She was upset with my daugher, leaving all blame in our court. The teachers weren't watching the kids and just these two went in some small room and were sharing their parts with each other. They were only five years old. Rather than be mad at anyone, I immediately wondered where the teachers were when this happend. That's why I chuckle, it's just the nature of kids~not that this occured any other time :)
Lying in bed, I couldn't remember which bridge or causeway I took to allow me to get to work on time. Probably the 41st street one. It's interesting that my memory is already fading. In many ways, this is a great sign. I tend to miss the life I just came from when I move from the tropics to the tundra. Now nearing the end of what I could call a tropical tundra winter, I am enjoying myself. Enjoying much of my days. Happy to be alive and on the mend. Just plain happy to be feeling better! As I was telling people last month 'my 18 months of suckiness are over'. Thank goodness!
I see it as a good sign that life in Miami Beach is fading. Obviously this raised in the midwest girl will forever treasure those ocean sunsets. That favorite drive in the Florida Keys with the Atlantic Sea on one side and the Gulf of Mexico on the other is forever etched in my heart. Yet these days I strive to keep putting one happy foot in front of the other. I'm working with some writing clients and figuring out how to take 1-2 classes this summer to go back to school for a nursing degree. Yes, really. I have been thinking about it for years, since Bella was born. So that's over eight years. Time to do something. I find myself wondering out loud if she and I will be in Minnesota until she's 18 so she can go to her same great school district. I figure that's enough time to become a nurse, since that's only 10 years left...till I could live on a sailboat and sail around some of the world. Yep, that's one of my current dreams - to get rid of almost everything and live on a sailboat. Yep, I've got a lot of fabulous dreams in my heart!
Here's to hoping fabulous Y O U is having a terrific new year so far and that your dreams are starting to play out!
Friday, January 6, 2012
What Has Changed In A Year?
I've been reading some fabulous year-end reviews like Benny's. I started mine. Yes, I actually started it. And I'll finish it soon and post it.
Tomorrow is my 42nd birthday!! Wow. I'm incredibly grateful that I've had what seems like a complete infusion of living positively (again). Yay! Just before I put my daughter to bed tonight, we shouted out into the darkness of night this horrible birthday song:
Happy Birthday, ugh (big grunt!)
Happy Birthday, ugh (another big grunt)
Misery and despair
People dying everywhere
Happy Birthday, ugh.
What is sad is that for the past few years I have not at all been excited about my birthday. To me, it symbolized that I've been living a sucky life and, introspectively, what I haven't done. All that's been in my heart.
All those wonderful things I want to do are still in my heart. And I hope to do at the very least 1- 2 of them in this next year.
For whatever reason, I've had a shift inside. I've been more consciously working on releasing all these crap beliefs I'm holding inside me for how life needs to look and act and feel like. No thanks! There are so many ways that have never served me that have attached themselves to me somewhere along the way. One gift to growing older is realizing it's okay to shuck the shitty things you collected along the way. Perhaps I could rename this post Shuck the Shit. Ha! Big laughs!
It feels great to say to myself, you know it's soooo okay to believe you deserve good things and to be happy again. What an amazing concept for me. This year I am saying goodbye to feeling badly emotionally and physically. I am saying goodbye to any niggling remainders of being a victim. I honor my past. I am grateful for all these lessons I lived through. And even happier I'm on the other side of the dark space. I never do well in these dark spaces of my life. And yet when I'm in them, I know and trust they will pass. Eventually.
The reason I had Bella and I sadly sing that sadder song into the dark night is because I didn't even want it in my living space. I work hard to create a living space that's soothing and makes me feel good. (Note to self: need to work harder on that by painting my table ocean this weekend with the warm Minnesota winter!)
I am feeling great these days. I'm working in an office for now. I had a much better xmas and New Year's where I created more of what I wanted instead of having huge problems with my parents not honoring my daughter and I last year. I am so grateful I am choosing to create a better life these days, and to expect life to keep getting better and better. And it's not that things are even that fabulous, it's just my attitude is much more positive. I've been feeding it positive cereal for a while!
Tomorrow is my 42nd birthday!! Wow. I'm incredibly grateful that I've had what seems like a complete infusion of living positively (again). Yay! Just before I put my daughter to bed tonight, we shouted out into the darkness of night this horrible birthday song:
Happy Birthday, ugh (big grunt!)
Happy Birthday, ugh (another big grunt)
Misery and despair
People dying everywhere
Happy Birthday, ugh.
What is sad is that for the past few years I have not at all been excited about my birthday. To me, it symbolized that I've been living a sucky life and, introspectively, what I haven't done. All that's been in my heart.
All those wonderful things I want to do are still in my heart. And I hope to do at the very least 1- 2 of them in this next year.
For whatever reason, I've had a shift inside. I've been more consciously working on releasing all these crap beliefs I'm holding inside me for how life needs to look and act and feel like. No thanks! There are so many ways that have never served me that have attached themselves to me somewhere along the way. One gift to growing older is realizing it's okay to shuck the shitty things you collected along the way. Perhaps I could rename this post Shuck the Shit. Ha! Big laughs!
It feels great to say to myself, you know it's soooo okay to believe you deserve good things and to be happy again. What an amazing concept for me. This year I am saying goodbye to feeling badly emotionally and physically. I am saying goodbye to any niggling remainders of being a victim. I honor my past. I am grateful for all these lessons I lived through. And even happier I'm on the other side of the dark space. I never do well in these dark spaces of my life. And yet when I'm in them, I know and trust they will pass. Eventually.
The reason I had Bella and I sadly sing that sadder song into the dark night is because I didn't even want it in my living space. I work hard to create a living space that's soothing and makes me feel good. (Note to self: need to work harder on that by painting my table ocean this weekend with the warm Minnesota winter!)
I am feeling great these days. I'm working in an office for now. I had a much better xmas and New Year's where I created more of what I wanted instead of having huge problems with my parents not honoring my daughter and I last year. I am so grateful I am choosing to create a better life these days, and to expect life to keep getting better and better. And it's not that things are even that fabulous, it's just my attitude is much more positive. I've been feeding it positive cereal for a while!
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