To be honest, this would be my mother. It's my most toxic relationship. I have compassion for her and am sad she's so afraid of life. Yet clearly I see she is so far from who I am and who I choose to be. I choose to be positive, and to believe all things are possible. I am now a recovered lutheran, and have been for about 15 years or so. So much of what I grew up with no longer serves me. At time, I see more of the differences than the similarities between my family and myself.
Even though my mother has never been able to love me unconditionally, or be a role model of a strong, supportive woman who goes after and lives her dreams, I am grateful for all the good things she has passed along to me. I am grateful for all the travels across our oceans I was able to go on, allowing me to become more of who I am today. I am grateful for the good foundation I received, and for being in sports and other character-building activities as I grew up.
I won't be letting her go any time soon, not until she chooses to no longer be on earth. I'll keep doing the work on myself and continue being compassionate about her life and her struggles and be in gratitude for the wonderful things.
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