Day 7: Who Has Made My Life Worth Living For

Ah, of course. My wonderful daughter. Right now she is sleeping. :) I truly am grateful for her and for many, many reasons. I love how a smile comes to my face whenever I think of her. Or when I think of any one of the fiftybazillion cute things she does/has done. Ah.

I am truly most grateful for her for giving me a second childhood. For giving me a reason to have fun, play and be child-like. When I was single, I was adventurous and did fun things on my own (and occasionally with others, but it's easier to just do them on your own and get used to that to stay away from the nay-sayers). Now I notice when she's gone for the weekend, apart from me for any length of time more than a day or two, I just don't have as much fun. Not so much here. When we lived in Miami Beach from 2007-2009, she used to come up here to Minnesota to stay with her grandparents for 3 weeks when she was 3, 4 weeks when she was 4 and 7 when she was 5. The first time I didn't know what to do with myself. The second time I made the most of it. It's a lot of work being a single parent. And also having recovered (read: still recovering!!) from being in an abusive relationship. It's all about balance. Sometimes this and not that. Or that and not this gets the attention on a different day.

I have also learned to be a lot kinder to / on myself. I could push myself more to do more and be more, but some days I just don't. Some days you just enjoy sharing the moments and all the fits of laughter and giggling in between. I also feel blessed. I had her when I was 33. Now I am almost 41. In being kinder to myself and making better dating choices (this has basically meant discerning a bit NO to most with meeting a handful of beautiful souls), I may not have any more children. So I'll treasure the one I have. I'll savor the moments I can with her, knowing in my heart I'm raising her differently than I was raised. Perhaps I don't have tons of money, yet I pepper her with love and attention and giggles.